Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
