me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
