Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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