YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
