I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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