I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
