at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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