I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
