Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
