I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
