you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
