we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
