Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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