he was CRYING into my vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
