Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
