Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm really busy with my period
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
