this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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