Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
