He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize