Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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