Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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