If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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