I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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