I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
