Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
