Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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