Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
