I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
