Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
