the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
