cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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