Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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