How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wear drunk well.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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