the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A bitchslap is in order.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
