I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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