no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
