i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
