I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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