Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
