u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
