If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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