franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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