Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
