my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
