Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Let's get the cat blown out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
