Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize