I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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