i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
