Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
