im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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