are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
