my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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