im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
