'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
