people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
