I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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