Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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