Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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