So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
