Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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