Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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