does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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