Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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