Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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