Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
