The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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