apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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