i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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