you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize