she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
