I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
