if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
