youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
being pregnant is like rehab
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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