It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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