half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
