So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
