Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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