Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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