my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i now understand why vodka
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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