I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
