East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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